I’m tired.
Ejaaz Mason, co-founder of Lede New Orleans, reflects on protests against police brutality in the wake of George Floyd’s killing at the hands of a Minneapolis police officer.
By Ejaaz Mason
I heard someone say recently that to be Black and living in America means you’re in a constant state of stress and anger. Since the senseless killing of Minneapolis, Minn., resident George Floyd last week at the hand of a police officer the world has turned out in support of the Black Lives Matter movement through both peaceful and violent protests. As a Black man who has been on the front lines of several similar protests, I’ll admit I often find myself wondering: “Is this really effective?”
We protested after the killing of Trayvon Martin. His killer remains free to this day. We protested after the killing of Mike Brown. His killer still remains free to this day. Philando Castile. Sandra Bland. Eric Garner. Freddie Gray. Tamir Rice. Ezell Ford. Akai Gurley. Laquan McDonald. Stephon Clark. Ahmaud Arbery. The list goes on and on and on. Each and every time an unarmed Black person is killed, we take to the streets and to social media in outrage. It still doesn’t stop non-Black people and police officers from viewing us as threats to be dealt with.
I’ve taken a different approach this time around in order to avoid being so upset. I’ve chosen to actively avoid social media posts about police misconduct and racism, conversations about what should happen to the officers involved, debates about whether looting and vandalism is justified, and so on. I’ve even traveled out-of-state just to try and block out the noise and the triggering media content that is ever-present in our feeds right now.
But I can’t shed my Black skin.
I can’t cover my body from head to toe to avoid people seeing my race and, inevitably, wanting to know my opinions. Everywhere I go, I’m Black. And it’s been that way every day of my life.
I am a proud Black man who just wants to live his life in peace. I want to walk in stores and not be racially profiled. I want to exercise my American liberties without a double standard. Without hypocrisy. I want to have conversations with those in positions of authority without them unholstering their weapons. I’m tired of being so angry all the time and feeling like a target. I want to live my life. But the reality remains: Because I am Black in America, I never really get to live. I just spend each day trying not to die.
